Codys Ramblings

I’m mad as hell and I’m not going to take this any more

I’ve been reading an amazing book, The End of America by Naomi Wolf it is quite a read, I don’t think I have ever read anything as frightening.

Taken from Wikipedia

In The End of America Wolf takes a historical look at the rise of fascism, outlining the 10 steps necessary for a state to take control of individuals’ lives:

1. Invoke a terrifying internal and external enemy.
2. Create secret prisons where torture takes place.
3. Develop a thug caste or paramilitary force not answerable to citizens.
4. Set up an internal surveillance system.
5. Harass citizens’ groups.
6. Engage in arbitrary detention and release.
7. Target key individuals.
8. Control the press.
9. Treat all political dissents as traitors.
10. Suspend the rule of law.

The book explains how this pattern was followed in Nazi Germany and Mussolini’s Italy as well as elsewhere, and compares it to the current state of affairs in American Political power since September 11, 2001.

The similarities are frightening, if you give a damn about freedom, I suggest you read it, or at least take a moment to look at and question what is going on in our country. If you do read it, or are interested in making a difference here are a couple of sites I find very informative and, worth a damn.

American Freedom Campaign

The Pledge of the American Freedom Campaign:

We are Americans. We do not torture, imprison people without charge or legal recourse, allow our phones and e-mails to be tapped without court order, and above all we do not give any president unchecked power above the constitution.

I pledge to fight to protect and defend the Constitution from the presidents assault.

The Constitution protects American freedom. With checks and balances and basic legal rights, it has prevented tyranny and safeguarded our liberty. Yet today, under the pretense of the “war on terror”, the White House is dismantling the Constitution, concentrating power in the president, and undermining the rule of law.

I hereby join the American Freedom Campaign to educate my neighbors about the threat and urge my representatives to confront and correct these abuses of our America.

And also this website Tear it down.org which is Amnesty International’s global initiative to end illegal US detention, specifically Guantanamo bay. Check it out, DO something, THINK.

Posted in Scary Places | 2 Comments »

Damn people…

Damn people and their cursive hand writing, why in gods name cursive writing exists I’ll never know. You CANT FUCKING READ IT! It looks nice sure, but that is it. It’s hard as a bitch to determine what letters people meant to portray using the same loops and swirls they did the other letters with.

It’d be one thing if everyone really put effort into it and wrote it properly, but after looking at this form of writing all day, I’ve realized its not any neater then printing. Its much worse in fact, if you wanna make your mail unreadable and have it sent and redirected everywhich way besides the intended address, well keep up with the fuckin cursive…, there is one and one occasion only that cursive is allowed, signatures, nobody gives a damn if its unreadable, it makes it even cooler. But stop writing like shit on your fucking mail.

Also, whats with you people who are oddly comfortable in public bathrooms? You know who you are, you sit down on the can and let it rip, you make all kinds of grunts and noises and its ALL horribly audible, have you no shame or embarressment? I mean sure as long as you stay in there and wait for me to leave I’ll never know who it was, but if I catch sight of your shoes I’ll remember them forever and be constantly on the look out to see them so I can see who their disgustingly shameless wearer is…

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Laughing with Aimee

A Jon Lundy production:

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About homosexuality

I don’t see why people have such a problem with homosexuality it:

A) Doesn’t affect anyone anymore then any other heterosexual couple

B) Doesn’t make parents any more fit or less fit to raise children, heterosexual couples have been raising screwed up kids for YEARS, raising them quite poorly, making horrible decisions and woefully under providing for them just fine, you need not worry about another couples qualifications for parenthood when your side clearly isn’t doing well at it, just look at all of us.

C) I don’t believe it is a choice either, just as some boys are born predetermined to like girls, others are born liking boys. If it is a choice that would mean we all made such a choice, when a choice of that magnitude was made… I have no recollection of. Even it was a choice, all that would mean is most people are born and heavily influenced to like the opposite sex, in that case we would be born with no natural disposition so therefore I don’t see why being homosexual would be any morally worse then heterosexual.

D) I believe Gay marriage shouldn’t be an issue at all, being Gay shouldn’t be an issue it, just like heterosexuality affects nobody else. Either way in a country such as America, a supposed land of freedom, everyone, EVERYONE should have equal rights, how you can claim to believe we live in such a country and also discriminate so blatantly, and somehow be unaware of how ignorant you are, that is beyond me.

E) The only reason anybody has to hate or be against homosexuality is because their God told them to.

Posted in General Rambling | 1 Comment »

Take Care

Why don’t people understand that phrase? When I say take care to someone, I mean like, be safe, I hope things go well, I hope you’re okay and protected and I hope your happy and everything works out for you, but every body takes it as like some old fashioned saying that you say on someone you never talk again.

To me its more along the lines of “Love you” or “I love you” when you say good bye, like its just meant… to be like that, I’ve adopted it as my own little version of that, to have the same meaning and effect really, thats what I consider it, I don’t consider it the same as saying “I love you” but to me its that kind of quality.

But I guess that doesnt come across that way, I am pretty bad at communicating after all. Some how through out my years I’ve managed to cripple myself in that aspect, where its gotten to the point that I can only communicate well through words. When I’m speaking… I just never know what to say and I can’t gather my thoughts and I get… its like suddenly some kind of wall has dropped down and I just can’t get around or break through it, even though I want too.

I speculate why or how I’ve ended up this way. Through out my life I’ve always kept any of my private feelings or feelings at all really separate from my family and strangers. So I would just filter everything out so it was only the basics and emotionless things, I suppose after doing that for 10 plus years its really affected how I talk to people who I do let in. Some how all around I’m detached in that way even when I’m not around then, and when I am around them, its natural for me t be quiet and removed.

So on top of deliberately shelling myself away, I also spend alot of my teenage years playing games and going online, which further cemented my crippled vocal talents. I got completely and totally used to communicatng only through words so even now its the easiest way for me.

I’m trying to bring it all back to normal but… its hard. A lot of people don’t understand it and aren’t used to it, cause communicating… talking to people, actually talking should be easy and normal… but for me its not. So to those of you that are affected by my crippled nature, specifically you Josephine I am sorry. If I could change it right away I would.

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Pegless

Ever heard the phrase “take ‘em down a peg”? Its a nice phrase right? Yeah we’ll today I’ve taken that phrase to the extreme, to the max even.

So today I started my new job, its a data entry job, just sit and type and do your thing and get paid big bucks, its been my holy grail lately, my latest, macguffin. Well its not working out so well…

The training consists of lessons on the computer, awesome, gotta learn there ways to key, pretty easy, type in the crap, blah blah, well for some reason after passing the first to lessons and their tests and gaining great confidence cause I didn’t have any trouble with it and was done before almost everyone I suddenly hit a brick wall.

Move on to next lesson? FAIL. Try again? FAIL. Again? FAIL!!! So a couple times eh not so bad, they warned me I would fail alot, and alot but I can’t help but feeling I’m pushing it to the limit, so I do the test, which takes about like 10 maybe 15 minutes again and again, keep failing, I was getting closer to not failing each time but still couldn’t do it, so they finally had me move on to the next one, “you’ll come back to it and it will be a piece of cake” they said…

Welp the next lesson… same thing, only this time the test is even longer its like 20 minutes or more, keep failing it… yeah I did this for about… oh 4 hours. Each time getting more and more discouraged as I see other people moving on, flourishing even. I don’t know what the problem is… I guess I’m just a shitty typist when it comes down to it, I just can’t seem to do them… its horrible. Then at the end as if its not bad enough, they warn me I’m already behind and really close to falling very behind, and point out the 5 lessons I’ll have to pass tomorrow, including the ones I’m having a hell of a time with, so passin 5… well I have no hope, I’ve lost all my confidence and pride, which if you know me at all, I don’t have much to begin with so… I’m fucked. I wasn’t just taken down a peg, its like they took all the pegs away from my peg board.

So I’m pretty anxious about tomorrow, although I suppose I can’t get any worse right? Being at the bottom I either stay there or improve right? I’m hoping… I really need a job, I took the train to brokeville and built a house there long ago… what does a guy do?

I’m kind of proud of myself though, for sticking in there and failing, its pretty hard not to just give up and be like “fuck this I quit” its really hard, still might happen but hasn’t yet… I’m proud and a little shocked by how much frustration and despair I’ve put up with today. I guess at the very least I can just work and get money right? Then find another job?

I lighter news, I went out walking/jogging/running (a lil but I’m countin it) after work, even made it to wendys to meet my friends there and I made it in under ten minutes… yeah thats right… hell it was almost a full mile, I feel PRETTY damn accomplished.

Hell I feel good just going outside and getting some air and sun, it feels great, why in the world did I ever stop going out side as much?

Posted in No pegs :( | 1 Comment »

Wednesdays Word: bla·sé

Ah… time for another classic installment of Wednesdays Word, with I Cody as your host, all aboard the train to knowledge town!

Today’s word: blasé, yes always remember the lil apostrophe or people will miss part of your snooty intent. After all, a world without snooty intent in meaningless things is not a world I want to live in.

Without further ado we proceed to the word! Wednesdays Word! Urban Dictionary: blasé

Being uninterested due to the matter being overexposed.(unconcerned)

I felt blasé to the fact that I had to clean my room.

You see I was sitting here after I had taken my dad to work, well technically. Supposedly my driving is so horrible it does nothing but inspire and induce nausea. Apparently I don’t drive smoothly and I let off the gas often. I’ve never noticed it until people make a public outcry about it. The thing is, I don’t care, I’m not a car person, I don’t care what kind of car you drive, I don’t care how it drives, I don’t care what model, brand, color, what engine it has, I don’t care about the body, the tires the frames, I don’t care about the interior I don’t care, don’t care, care not, don’t care, dare not to care. I can’t tell you how many times people have rambled on about some model or some car they love or hate or plan to fix up, I can’t tell you how many times I’ve ignored them and not payed attention at all. Actually I can, EVERYTIME. So when people complain about my driving or what not, I don’t care, I get from point A to point B and thats all I need. If you don’t like it you can walk or drive your own car.

Because really, when you say “stop doing that” or “don’t drive like that” (which everybody does, just like swimming, people are always like, just swim you just hop in the pool and swim. Oh really? No shit? All these years I didn’t know that to swim you just had to swim, its so obvious now that I now know how to swim.) that doesn’t give me any constructive criticism. I mean its pretty hard to fix on the spot something you didn’t know you were doing in the first place, so being told “stop that” is pretty pointless. Apparently its a completely reasonable thing to ask…

The ol thefreedictionary.com defines it as:

bla·sé (blä-z)
adj.
1. Uninterested because of frequent exposure or indulgence.
2. Unconcerned; nonchalant: had a blasé attitude about housecleaning.
3. Very sophisticated.

Could it be that I’m getting tired of sitting around doing nothing all day?… Bahahahaha yeah that could never happen, I love sitting around in complete freedom with my time opposed to forfeiting it all at work. Even with money things would be no different, sure I could have the resources to purchase things to try and grab my attention an fill this boring void… but I guess I’m just not as interested in all my hobbies as I used to be. I don’t know what that happens or how, maybe I just did all those things for so long that I got bored of them because of the frequent exposure?

Perhaps its the fact that I feel like I should be doing something greater. I find as I grow older I have my own kind of clock ticking. Not the clock that makes girls wanna start popping out babies, but an urge to do something… great. I’m not really talking about changing the world or inventing a lofty cure to the worlds problems. Just something satisfying to me… I just don’t know what that is anymore. It’s always suggested that I go to college, learn, explore, whatever, thing is I hate school. Its all bullshit to me, you really don’t have to learn and retain any knowledge, just have to be good at bullshitting in my opinion, bullshit until you get a degree, then people will look at the degree, this token of your smarts, regardless of what knowledge you actually contain. Because surely if you have the degree you earned it and are completely qualified? No I don’t believe that.

If you’re still curious as to what is bla·sé, I’ll give you one more def, a defy, a defini, the d to the nition. This one comes from the late, the great, the undeniably wordy…! merriam-webster.com :

Main Entry:
bla·sé Listen to the pronunciation of blasé
Pronunciation:
\blä-ˈzā\
Variant(s):
also bla·se
Function:
adjective
Etymology:
French
Date:
1819

1 : apathetic to pleasure or excitement as a result of excessive indulgence or enjoyment : world-weary
2 : sophisticated, worldly-wise
3 : unconcerned

Yup, world-weary indeed, hahaha I’m just a blasé guy these days, any tips?

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Am I losing my touch?

Its what I’ve been told, mainly by you Josephine. Speaking of which, why can’t your name actually be Josephine? I love your real name don’t get me wrong… but if it was Josephine… well I don’t know what would happen but I’m thinking right now it would be pretty cool. Although your last name is such an awesomely cool name that I really can’t complain about it can I… damnit.

Apparently damnit is really spelled dammit, yeah I know how stupid does that look. When I wanna say a word that is filled with anger and malice I often like to say damnit, (now I know what your thinking, you’re thinking “but Cody you say fuck a lot and douche bag and other delightful combinations that pepper my life with raw excitement like few others do” but really I like damnit, its a complete word, if I said fuck it, thats two words and it doesn’t make me feel as giddy) but spelling it as dammit just takes all the fun out of it. Instead of spewing out an awesome word that shows a smidgen of the rage bottled within, you get dammit. How queer does that look? Its like a two dollar bill except it has no value, just the off, out of place look to it. As far as I’m concerned anybody who uses dammit is just a retard.

(Now before you get offended about me saying retard (do people get offended by retard still? Yeah thats right a parenthesis inside a parenthesis) keep in mind I have a cousin who has down syndrome and he’s pretty awesome and I’m pretty sure that is one of the things people consider when thinking about literal retardation, so having that link I can say retard as much as I want, just like black people and nigger. Ah hell I don’t mind saying nigger, words are words really, why get offended over everything nig… you know right in the middle of that thought I thought of a retarded nigger and then I stopped and thought how I don’t recall ever seeing a black person who was actually retarded… yeah did I just blow your mind or what. Some people are racist and hate black people, but look at which race has the retards, yeah the whiteys. Come to think of it, I only recall white people being retarded… yeah, coincidence? I think not. Speaking of which I wish I was retarded… its like a free ticket to awesome town… I’m so jealous, and I can say that and completely mean it… maybe I have a genetic predisposition to retardation and one day it’ll snap and then I’ll slip into bliss…)

But anyways I started this particular rant, this ramble, this gripping musing, because I wonder, am I losing my venom? Surely I still wreak fear into the hearts of my peers just with the mention of my thunderous name, I realize that, but rant wise am I deflated? Am I losing my touch?

I find these days I don’t have the gusto needed to go on a long bitch about things you know? Don’t get me wrong, I can still bitch, I’m good at bitching, I have total the total conviction in my bitching that is need it to do it well. If there was a league of bitchers I could be their president, do leagues have presidents? Captain? Would I be the bitching Captain? Commandant? Is that right? seems like it should be more french, like commendaunt or something… damnit…

So I have that, but applying it to rants is harder, to have a good rant you really gotta have a lot of pent up anger about a subject, so you can just launch off. Its like I have the rocket but the fuel is running low, and I can still blow your god damn face off if I need to, but I don’t have enough to get me into space, and why have a rocket ship that can’t go into space?

So what is it thats depleting my reservoirs? I for one blame Josephine, she makes me happy and that is directly, DIRECTLY in conflict with ranting. Its a lot harder to be bitter and angry when you got an amazing girl by your side? Which here’s the thing, I love that, so how do I rant at that point? Are there happy rants? Whats the opposite of ranting, praising? I think its praising.

Sure you say, I could fake it, but you’d know and I’d know that the anger isn’t in it and because of that the material would suffer, and that I simply cannot stand for. So I’m sorry dear friends that I haven’t been able to supply you with all the ranting needs that you have… I am but one foolish man… sigh…

Ah well nothing to do but keep chugging along!

Posted in General Rambling | 1 Comment »

Wednesdays Word…?

Hah this time I am going to tell you the word at the end! Yeah thats right all you cheaters, take that! Or take this! I’M NOT SURE WHICH I WANNA SAY BUT TAKE IT!!!!

ahem…

So today I had a job interview and of course the thing that came up, which is coming up more and more is the fact of my unemployment history. Which is basically, me working a job as long as I can stand it, it sucking away my soul and so I quit so I can relax and screw around and get my soul back. Is that so wrong? Is that so hard to understand for the working world? How it that such a negative thing, not having a soul?

I understand they want employee’s that are going to stick around and not bail on them and do a good job I just don’t think they understand, that is the problem. No understanding, I like the fact that everyone goes through the same things, but people get to a certain point and they just ignore those understandings and try and lift themselves off of the common ground. As if they are so much different, hell maybe they are, maybe they really don’t mind running themselves into the ground and bending over backwards all just to get some money and some illusion of success, and power or authority.

Which as it turns out that success and power only gets you the chance to deal with fucks like me, so really how proud are you of where you’ve gotten yourself?

So today’s word is… Dicked. You are dicking yourselves in your pursuit of bullshit and you are dicking me because when you are a free thinker and live in a relaxed and… meandering, care free way, you get dicked, cause people make it hard for you to buck up and put your ax to the grind stone. I don’t like it, but I have too, so quit dicking me and give me a break.

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The first BBQ

I may never fully trust going to a BBQ ever again, for the entirety of my life.

My friend Stephen has been wanting to hang out for a while, so when he was like “hey come to this bbq” I was like “sure.” (which by they way, is it barbeque or barbecue? Firefox corrects it as barbecue but I dunno if that is right, yet it seems right… it awakens something deep and magical in me, that lets me know it is right…)

I wasn’t about to go to it alone though, yeah going to parties alone sucks, you never wanna go in without back up. So I brought my non lady lady Kristy and Ryan, turns out when they agreed to go they got more than they bargained for.

As I get older, I’ll be 22 in July, sometimes I REALLY start to feel it. There are some situations where suddenly I am slung shot into maturity. Thats saying a lot because usually I’m called immature, turns outs that is a very subjective term. So we follow Stephen to the barbecue and we arrive at the house and what do we see? Oodles, oodles upon oodles of emo teenagers.

Don’t get me wrong I know some pretty cool teenagers, but these ones… they were as emo and retarded as it gets. Right down to the tight pants, bad hair cuts, that weird “I’m dumb and like sounding like a baby” way of talking, the whole “lets be hardcore and light stuff on fire and talk about gasoline and make anti religious jokes cause I am so dark and disturbed and in tune with all things macabre that that I need to make my witty quips and try burning pictures of Jesus cause I am political like that.”

You know they were real counter culture rebels except oh yeah turns out when being a counter culture emo bitch IS the popular culture you cant be counter to that because you are the culture but you are too much of a fucking tool to realize that you are the biggest conformists around.

I suppose its just to hard for them to understand, makes me wonder what the true underground really is, cause everything “hardcore” or “underground” is full of trendy pussy’s so is the real underground just normal people now? Like just the average schmoe who isn’t really into anything? Is it even possible to be “underground” or “counter culture” when everything is taken and exploited and made popular?

Or maybe are they really and truly rebels, because despite everything they believe in, and dress in and live in, being a trendy fad that is wide spread, is the fact that they do it anyways being totally ignorant of the fact, does that make them rebels? Rebels because of the waythey are completely ignorant of the fact that they aren’t rebels at all? Is that the only way to be rebellious anymore? Jesus I hope not, no wonder Cobain killed himself, must have been really annoying to have what you love, taken and made extremely popular and trendy to the point where nobody wants to understand what it means, they just wanna be part of the scene because thats the cool thing.

Yeah it was an assanine barbecue, suddenly I was an elder statesman around all the teens. Why the fuck Stephen hangs out with them is anyones guess. As he was talking about why he was friends with all of them I said “because of little sisters right?” Which really why else would you hang out with such douchebags?

It was just a solidly weird awkward time, me, Ryan, and Kristy just sat around talking amongst ourselves and laughing at their expense as they desperately tried to include us and bring us into their deep lives or something. Me and Kristy even raised the suspicions of one of the girls there who just knew there was something more then friends between me and Kristy. That girl is a fucking genius

Except for seeing my old friend Stephen it was a total was of time, I didn’t eat any food, cause I don’t trust anything made by any of those fucks, and none of them were burned or mutilated so that was a waste, so we eventually left much to their dismay and I honestly hope I never see any of those people ever again.

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